101 Uses for a Dead Goat

by Abby

Hello, fellow mudders!

Well, it has been quite a while since my last column, for it seems that nobody has been in need of my help since... whenever it was that the last issue of the ABC was published. Three souls are, however, in need of my help now. I hope that my wise words encourage more of you to write in and ask for help!

Dear Abby,

I am perturbed by the contents of the INSULTS bulletin board. I don't understand why having beaten the life out of another persona some players feel they must crow about it to a wider audience while insulting their victim. Is it because bullying other players is really just a sad cry for help?

Yours perturbedly,


Dear Peturbed, (or did you mean Perturbed?)

These sad souls of whom you speak are afflicted with some odd disorder which causes them to first exhibit violent anti-social tendencies by killing people... and then to believe that this kind of act will win them friends, so as many people as possible must find out about it. Insulting one's victim is truly immature. Even the most vicious killers were once timid newbies typing ret with potty.flee.......

The sensible killer keeps her homicidal tendencies to herself: how can you kill people effectively if they all leave the Land when you enter it? Secrecy is key. So, you killers out there... Be discreet and learn some manners, and players will enjoy being killed by you! (Maybe)


Dear Abby,

I am getting sick and tired of the sacrificial ritual. There was a time when one used to be able to slay the mouse, cruelly and without a care for the consequences. However, now-a-days, some evil wiz places a curse on me every time I try to quietly put the rodent vermin out of its misery.

My mother always told me that you should make every effort to rid your land of mice infestations. Surely she wasn't wrong? Why are the wizzes doing this to us?

Yours exterminatingly,


Dear Murdermice,

While I too have heard the rumours about mice being smelly little sharp-toothed disease-carrying vermin, I have found that the Land's one little mouse is quite friendly and tame, and does not bite very often. He or she is on the verge of extinction, and I am quite sure that the wizzes placed this curse to prevent the species from disappearing completely.

Perhaps you should try sacrificing other creatures when the whim strikes you. I have heard that mages make excellent victims.


Dear Abby,

I have been playing MUD2 for a few years now and I still enjoy it very much. However recently I have been talking to other players about their maximum scores in a single reset. I once scored over 5,000 points in a reset but it seems that there are players out there who regularly score more than four times this.

Should I be worried or are they just talking ox sharn?

Yours worriedly,


Dear Lowscorer,

I too have heard about these vastly rewarding resets of 20,000 points or even more, but I have not experienced such a windfall myself. Jillithe, my slavedriver, er, my idol, that is, has told of scoring almost 20k one reset, but admits that she killed a 75k warlock during that reset, which accounted for most of the points. Perhaps that is what these other high-scoring players are doing. Myself, I usually do well when I team up with other players to clean out the keep, obtain icons, slaughter dwarfs, and ransack the druids' treasure chamber. Tasks are also a reliable source of points. Killing mages, of course, is an excellent thing to do in any case :)


That's all for this month! If you need advice, feel free to mudmail me (Abby) or email me at abby@mud2.com and I will do my best to assist you!

This month's use for a dead goat!

Use #437: Tie it to a pesky mortal who would otherwise run out of town without sending in her entry for this issue about the use of a dead goat!

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Page last modified: November 26, 1998